Confession

Forgive me, father! I have sinned. During your sermon, I broke wind.
The man in the next pew said "Ooh!" What repentance should I do?
Father said: "You're no great sinner. Settle your stomach after dinner.
A stomach full of food is rude. Try to change your attitude."

"Straight from the heart, not from the ego, beware of a fart!
It drives good people away, till Satan will take you away- now pray!
Or Hell is where you'll stay in the Devil's pay."

I have broken holy laws. I ripped the beard off Santa Claus.
Dragged him down from his chair till he was gasping for air.
Father said: "Pulled Santa's beard! You are worse than first appeared.
Your soul must lack self-control. Go chill out at the North Pole."

"Straight from the heart, and from the ego, hate sets us apart.
It drives good people away, till Satan will take you away- now pray!
Or Hell is where you'll stay in the Devil's pay."

Father, I know my transgression is not purged with confession.
I have shot an albatross then I fired at my boss.
Father said, "Now this is strange! The order you must rearrange.
A man who shoots a bird is cursed. Next time take out your boss first."

"Straight in the heart, shooting a seagull with arrow or dart
Is no way to be, go away or Satan will take you away- now pray!
Or Hell is where you'll stay in the Devil's pay."

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Rod Mitchell